Joe Giacoio first imagined Elvis at the Loch Ness Café, and I invited all of the other characters. Turns out that there actually is a Loch Ness Café in Inverness, Scotland, and they contacted us for permission to hang these lyrics on the wall. We're proud to say that this song was a finalist in the both the UK Songwriting Contest (in two categories) and the Mid-Atlantic Songwriting Contest, and was played on BBC Scotland radio.
lyrics
LOCH NESS CAFÉ (Borok/Giacoio)
I was having lunch with Elvis
At the Loch Ness Cafe
We were talking about the dreams we nailed
And the ones that got away
I said, "I wish I was a star like you
God, I love that rock n roll"
He said, "Finish up your soda, son
And your fries are gettin' cold"
The waitresses are beautiful
But they won't give me the time of day
Why do I keep on coming back
To the Loch Ness Cafe?
Odysseus drank his coffee, black
Then he set out on some trip
And when he thought no one was looking
Lincoln pocketed the tip
I pretended that I didn't see
I just minded my own business
'Cause I knew that the Invisible Man
Was the only other witness
Everybody stares at me
But when I catch them, they look away
Why do I keep on coming back
To the Loch Ness Cafe?
At a table in the corner
Where the lights were turned down low
I saw the Kennedys holding hands
With Marilyn Monroe
And J. Edgar Hoover, in disguise
Was pretending to mop the floor
Near where Castro sat with Sigmund Freud
Comparing their cigars
The busboy says I'm crazy
And he hits me with his tray
Why do I keep on coming back
To the Loch Ness Cafe?
Einstein ordered after me
But they brought his dinner first
The waiter took a shortcut
Through an alternate universe
In the men's room, Adolph Hitler
Was complaining to the Pope
That Pontius Pilate got there first
And used up all the soap
Einstein had a hard time
Trying to calculate the tip
He was counting on his fingers
I could see him move his lips
And Hamlet had an omlette
While Ophelia ate a Danish
She said, "You're driving me insane-ish
You're a cold fish with a death wish"
I stopped in after midnight
For a little bite to eat
When I saw the Loch Ness dinosaur
Sitting in my favorite seat
She had a leather jacket on
And a Jimi Hendrix shirt
She was watching the display go 'round
With those oversized desserts
I said, "I thought that you were dead"
She said, "No, I've just been away
But I can't resist the cheesecake
At the Loch Ness Cafe"
credits
from What's That Thing? (album),
released October 17, 2017
Mike - lead vocal, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, harmonica
Barbara - backing vocal
Cary Brown - piano, organ
Rick Garcia - lead guitar, guitar solo
Cliff Hackford - drums
Emile Menasché - electric guitar
New Middle Class is Barbara Borok (lead vocal) and Mike Borok (guitar/vocal). Their many songwriter awards include Grand
Prize in the 2003 MTL Songwriting Contest at the prestigious Kerrville Folk Festival in Texas and, most recently, finalist in the 2019 S. Florida FolkFest Songwriting Contest. They sing about relationships and current events gone awry, the origin of the universe, and desserts....more
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